Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
