They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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