Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
