508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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