Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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