What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
