haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
