Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It's official drugs can't kill me
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
