Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
