i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
