I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
someone owes me an orgasm
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
