Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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