Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
