I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
