arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
