please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
