did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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