Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
