He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
