I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
