Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
