What a fucking waste of an outfit
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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