Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
