Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
