Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Randomize
