she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
