Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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