So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
