Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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