I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
