Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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