i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
