I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
