That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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