Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
