I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
