Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
