Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
