I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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