so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
