Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
