Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
