Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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