Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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