the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just pee around me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
