Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
