She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
