Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
They are going to name an STD after you.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
