Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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