My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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